Moving is obviously a long, tedious and usually stressful process for everyone involved, but a lot of times kids in the family tend to get overlooked in the moving process. Adults get so caught up in the fact that they have so much to do to prepare for the move that they often don't think to ask their kids how they are feeling about the move and if they need any help packing.
Believe it or not, moving can at times be even harder on children than it is on adults. There are certain things to consider before you pick up your entire family and move them, so some of them are outlined here. It's also important to understand how a move will affect your children socially, emotionally and psychologically.
Psychological Impact
Studies show that children who move often have a high risk of suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, a type of anxiety disorder. PTSD is most commonly seen in people who go through serious, life-changing occurrences, such as a domestic violence case, rape, a prison stay or even war. What children experience after a move is obviously a less serious case of PTSD, but they can show many of the same symptoms as those who go through these traumatic events.
After a move, children will often shut down and become emotionally distant, thinking back to their old house and their old friends and their old lives. They may wake up from nightmares in which they flash back to their old surroundings and wake up panicked and not knowing where they are.
A common reaction in children is the general attitude they gain toward "normal" children's activities. After a move, they may tend to shy away from new kids and new settings in their new town that would have been considered normal at the old home. They often seem to turn off their emotions entirely or they will display outbursts of anger or frustration at their parents.
All of these are symptoms of PTSD, and while they are on a lower level than found in people who suffer major traumas, they are still serious symptoms for parents to be aware of. Pay attention to how you child reacts to a move and help them adjust in any way you can. Tips for doing this will be discussed shortly.
Children may also show an outburst of rebellion over the general idea of a move. You are literally uprooting their entire lives and they have absolutely no say in it whatsoever. Children may throw tantrums and make the process as difficult on their parents as they possibly can to show their protest. This is more common in older children approaching their teenage years than it is in the younger kids. Teenagers don't enjoy being told what to do and the fact that they have no say in the matter only agitates them.
Social Impact
For those teenagers who tend to rebel, moving can have a huge social impact on their lives. If they have only ever lived in one place for their entire lives to this point, they'll be hesitant to leave behind their social circle that they worked so hard to build all those years.
It's also important to consider how starting in a new school will affect your children when you move. Consider the timing of your move. Teenagers tend to get anxious when there is a lot of attention on them, so moving during the middle of a school year may not be a great idea because they'll have to deal with the attention of being the "new kid." If you think this may become an issue, consider moving during the summer. Your child will blend in with the crowd as everyone gets settled back into the school year on the first day of school and won't stick out as the new kid so much.
Younger kids, however, seem to enjoy the attention a bit more. It depends on your child, though. Some kids would do better in a new home if they're given a chance to adjust to the home itself before going back to school, so moving over the summer or over a holiday wouldn't be a bad idea.
Think about what you are doing to your kids - if they have close friends that they've known forever in their old town, it will be a sad day for them when they leave. Let your children know that you understand what they are going through (after all, you'll likely be dealing with similar feelings) and do whatever you can to insure them that they will make new friends at their new home.
Emotional Impact
It's hard for anyone to leave behind something that they've become so accustomed to as a home, but keep in mind that children tend to feel emotions much more strongly than adults, especially in situations such as moving. They've probably become overwhelmingly attached to their house, their room, everything they have at home, and you are uprooting them and introducing them to something entirely new.
Children may cry or throw tantrums, but it's important to understand why they are reacting the way that they are and acknowledge how they are feeling. Talk through what might be making them react so emotionally and support them in understanding how they feel. Listen to what they have to say and take into consideration the factors of moving that make them the most uncomfortable. Think of what you can do to make the process a bit easier on them.
They'll also probably miss their old home a lot once they're settled into the new home. Have open conversations about where you used to live and make sure you help your children stay in touch with the friends that they made there. This will help them grieve over the old home properly while still keeping them as close as you can to their old lives. If possible, plan visits back to see old friends and any family members you may have left behind when you moved.
The Solution
The best thing you can do as a parent or guardian is understand your children and listen to what they say and pay attention to how they react to a move. Your children should not just be pushed out of the way so you can get everything you need done for the move. They should play an important role in the process.
Try to involve your kids in any conversations about moving. The fact is, you're taking them to a new home no matter what, whether they like it or not, so they won't have much say in the conversation, if any, but they'll feel more comfortable in knowing that they were at least involved in the planning and the decisions.
Don't just inform your children that you are moving. Sit them down and have a conversation with them about it, no matter how young they are. Explain the reasons for the decision and let them know that they are expected to help in the move.
Get Them Involved
Involving your kids in the actual moving process can be one of the best ways to avoid any harsh, immediate changes that trigger severe reactions. Let your kids pack up their own things - don't just invade their rooms and start taking their things away. Let them help you pack up the main rooms first, then allow them their own time to pack up their own things.
Ask your kids if they want to be involved in the actual moving day itself. A lot of times young kids will get overly excited and will just get in the way on moving day, and older kids will rebel the move altogether. If they want to be involved and they want to help, let them, but if they would rather go do something fun for the day while the adults move, arrange something for them ahead of time.
They can stay behind with a friend or family if you're moving far away or you can arrange an activity for them in the new town - maybe if you have a big yard, buy a new volleyball set for them to play with while you move everything into the house (just an idea). If you do have a long journey, consider buying your kids something to keep them occupied on the drive so they don't dwell too much on leaving their old lives behind. Keep them distracted with something fun and exciting, like a new toy or some new music.
At the New Home
Make unloading your children's rooms a top priority when you arrive at the new home. Children of all ages will appreciate having their own bed in their new surroundings, and maybe even some familiar pieces of furniture or some familiar decorations. You don't have to unpack everything for them right away, but try to move in as much of their rooms as possible before any other rooms.
Lastly, if you notice your child acting strangely after the move, especially if they're displaying signs of PTSD, call a doctor or therapist and get them some help right away. The most important thing will be to let your children know that you're there for them and you understand how hard a move is on them. Don't just expect them to take everything all in at once and be totally fine with it - it will take some time, and the best thing you can do for them is give them the time to adjust while spending some quality family time together in the new home.
Jade Evans is a freelance writer and enjoys moving around a lot. She has moved her family with a man and a van many times before, so everyone in her family is used to it by now, but she has seen children who have a harder time dealing with it than others, and this is her advice.
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